Best Buttercream Ever (it's gonna kill me...)

I’m twenty-two years old and according to my doctor, I have high cholesterol. This isn’t the good cholesterol that keeps your body fit and your brain active, no, this is the cholesterol that supposedly clogs your arteries like a bad traffic jam and results in your early -- and most definitely ugly-- demise. This comes off as somewhat of a slap-in-the-face to me not because of my age, but because of my “active lifestyle”, perfect weight range, and the fact that while I may be making loads of sugary confections every week, I very rarely eat more than a couple bites or a single slice. All this restraint and motivation, not to mention the hours spent peddling peddling peddling away on the stationary bike sweating buckets and going nowhere, has resulted in me feeling and looking good, but also having the chemical makeup of an eighty year old obese man!

I shouldn’t complain too much. I’ve done my own research and found that most recent studies on “bad” cholesterol have shown that it is in no way related to heart disease (and, in turn, in no way related to my early and ugly demise). This is a relief. A huge relief actually. The chart my doctor gave me listing the foods I was to stay away from and the foods I was “allowed” to eat was... extensive. To sum it up, I can eat any fruit except coconut, most vegetables, absolutely no butter or other milk products with more than... 0% Milk Fat, and as many egg whites and boiled chicken breasts as I want.

So when I discovered the Best Buttercream Recipe EVER--a recipe that contained 8 egg yolks and over a pound of butter-- I figured the best course of action would be to say a quick prayer to the gods of deliciousness, whip it up, and know that if my research was wrong and I suddenly died of intense artery cloggage, at least I’ll have died with a smile on my face.

Which brings me to the whole point of this rambling post, which would be to give you the recipe for a buttercream that I guarantee will make you moan softly, close your eyes in bliss and revel in the joy that comes from an image of fluffy pastel wearing angels dancing on your tongue. Ladies and gentlemen, don’t let the simplicity fool you, this is not your grandmother’s buttercream.


Buttercream
Adapted from Baking by James Peterson

8 egg yolks (I only used 6 because that was all that I had)
1.25 lbs unsalted butter just a titch cooler than room temperature cut into small pieces
2 cups sugar
2/3 cup water
2 tsp vanilla (or your choice of flavoring)

1. Pour your sugar and water into a heavy bottomed saucepan and boil on high until it reaches the "soft ball" stage. Meanwhile, beat the egg yolks on med-high speed in your mixer until they quadruple in volume and are very pale. About 10 minutes.
2. While the mixer is running, slowly pour in the hot sugar syrup careful not to touch the sides of the bowl or the beater itself.
3. Add the butter, one chunk at a time, waiting until each chunk is incorporated before adding more. Add vanilla.
4. The mixture should change suddenly and become very pale, thick, and fluffy.